To all you mommy's out there who WISH your husband would just "catch up" with your desire to adopt...Here is OUR story...
Mamo (snuggling at bedtime): Maybe daddy will get a new wife.
Mommy (completley shocked at this statement): WHY would daddy get a new wife?
Mamo: So I can marry you!
Awww... this little MELTS my heart. I think about this all the time because you see Mamo didn't have a living mommy since he was little bitty. His mom passed when he was around one. So, it was VERY natural in the beginning that he immediately attached with his daddy-- and he was still trying to figure me out. Now, it didn't take long for the bond to occurr, but I will admit I was jealous how in the beginning he ALWAYS wanted daddy. He now wants both of us, but I am keenly aware (and so is Philip) that mommy has a very special corner of his heart. I take up the part of his heart that he was missing. He doesn't remember his mommy at all, so I occupy that part of his heart where the mommy fits. I totally believe this was God's redemption for Mamo. God KNEW he NEEDED a mommy and so he sent us to find him, love him and bring him home. No doubt about it.
My plea this morning is to all of you MOMMY'S out there who have heard/felt God speak to you about opening your home to a child that doesn't have a mommy. My plea is to all of you who have spoken this to your husband, but he is not yet on board or maybe he dismissed what you said about adopting all together....to keep PRAYING, and KEEP talking with your husband about what God is placing on your heart.
Now, you do have to both be on the same page to adopt for sure-- I don't believe God calls one member only to adoption-- he will lead you both there in his time, so maybe your journey is to pray and help your husband see adoption through YOUR heart. Talk to him about WHY you feel called-- SHOW HIM the videos have you watched that make you leave a puddle of tears on the floor and the ones that make you want to get on a plane today and go bring all the orphans that you can find? Find a local adoption group and go check it out- just to see what it is all about.
I promise you that MOST of our husbands weren't like SURE, let's do it at a first prompting. My husband GOT there fast for sure. Our first adoption was an adoption out of tragedy, so we both got there together very quickly. BUT, the second adoption took the Holy Spirit to intervene and a very committed wife along side of him. :)
I first started talking about adoption and Philip was like sure, maybe I will think about it. But it wasn't any type of commitement. By now I am obsessed with reading adoption blogs, adoption books, meeting people that had adopted, etc... It was EVERWHERE in front of me and I didn't want to miss an article-- I was obsessed. I made Philip watch videos, read blogs and asked him to PRAY. He was still along for the ride, but he wasn't committing. I found a mission trip to Ethiopia (thr country I felft like GOD was leading us too-- he didn't feel like God was leading us to Ethiopia AT ALL). He gave me his blessing to GO, and I took my oldest son with me. He thought I would Get "Ethiopia out of my system" if I went and saw how FAR it was. He knows how I am the WORST traveler. On the 5th day I found Mamo in an orphange that we were not supposed to go to that day, and his dad had brought him there just the day before. His father told me that he PRAYED he wouldn't be there long and that he was making the best decision for Mamo. Little did he know that Robby and I would show up the very next day and we knew immediately that he was to be in our family. Now, all I could think was HOW IN THE WORLD do I get Philip to say YES to this precious boy who I already LOVE? I texted him that night from a friends phone with a simple text that said something like "Robby and I met the sweetest little 3 year old boy today, who arrived to the orphanage yesterday. He is sick but oh so sweet. He is precious. I think he is a Payne." and I went to bed. I half expected Philip to tell me non-comittaly that he would THINK about it and pray about it again. I was forming my game plan as to how I was going to try to get him to say YES once we got home-- but I knew it wasn't going to be easy, and I went to bed. The next morning my friend who's phone I used to text Philip came running in my room screaming "this Text if for you!" I read it and it said something like. "Ok, if you feel that he is a Payne then let's bring him home. What do I need to do from here to help get the paperwork started?" I could NOT believe it! Later when I asked what changed for him he said that he had a peace wash over him when he read my text and that he knew instantly that God placed this child in front of me and Robby for a reason. He later told me that he was tired of fighting God about whether we should adopt or not and just gave in to God's plan for our family and for this little boy.He said he knew that God placed this on my heart and he wasn't going to stand in the way any longer.
He surrendered folks--- not to me-- but to God's plan for our family. But I was responsible for nudging him along and not letting him forget that I couldn't just put adoption away. It was like God was stalking me with adoption stuff everywhere and I promise you, Philip was keenly aware of it because I didn't let him miss all the signs from God that he was telling me this was the plan for our family.
What I am trying to express to all of you that is IF you have heard or felt the TUG at your heart to bring an orphan into your family and your husband isn't quite there then DON'T give up on that child that is supposed to be in your family. Don't give up on the fact that your husband hasn't said YES...YET!. Don't give up on that little boy who NEEDS a mommy's love or that little girl who NEEDS a daddy's LOVE. SHOW your husband how this is on your heart and share with him what drops you to your knees. If he is saying "NO or I don't know" then he just doesn't have enough information in front of him to say YES! Help him learn more about the orphan crisis and the need for LOVING families for these children. Find out WHAT it is that STOPS him-- is it money- adoptions are expensive? Is it that he is concerned about a child that is a different color? Is it because he doesn't really know anyone who has adopted? FIND out what is standing in his way and LISTEN. Then start asking other adoptive families what their concerns were and how they overcame them. I promise you we all have been right where you are. We are a resource folks! and we love to talk about the miracle of adoption, so just ask for help! Reach out to other adoptive families and find answers to his concerns.
One of Philip's concerns about Ethiopia was how a child would feel living in an all WHITE home. He was worried that he/she would feel so different and that no other families would look like his family. And then I found out about a local adoption group that just happend to be having a backyard fellowship at their home (we knew no one- except I had talked with the leader of our mission trip on the phone)- so I drug Philip and the kids there to this African fellowship hoping to make a friend or two. Guess what? We got there and there were like 100 white families there with their adopted kids from Africa. Well, that issue that Philip had about our child being different went right out the window. There were kids everywhere that were brown that had white families. So, that mountain that was blocking my husbands heart was removed that day. We began meeting and talking with others that shared a heart for adoption. I remember watching Philip talk to dad after dad that day--- these dads were coming up to him and seeking him out... tell me that wasn't the Holy Spirit folks-- :). it was like watching a miracle unfold. Now even after this experience he wasn't jumping up and down and committing, but I knew we were closer to getting him on board. FIND a local adoption group and meet them for dinner WITH your husband!!! He needs to meet other dads who share the heart of adoption!
Ok, that is my soap box for the day! Praying for all of you who are praying for your spouse to catch up-- and remember, a little nudging is ok and share the journey that God is putting you on with your spouse. Send him a blog to read and ask him to watch a video with you that moves your heart.
If you feel God's desire is this for your family , I can guarantedd that he already has a child picked out for you. Let's pray and move mountains for you to get their quickly to bring them home. But first let's get your spouse on board... so get ready to start communicating all of your desires to your husband. There is an orphan who NEEDS his mommy's love or a daddy's love and if you have felt the calling then keep plowing forward to help God help your husband say YES! I did!~
Yes, it will change your family, but more importantly you will get to see the true miracle of God's redemption. Could it be YOUR family? I think so...I believe its true. Don't give up. Keep pursuing and praying and step up your game in communicating to your best friend-- he WILL listen. Don't tell him about adoption but let him HEAR your heart and your desires. and begin to SHOW him.
There are so many. 163 million orphans and counting....
To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the
Keep fighting you mama warriors! I am praying for all of you today and tomorrow! Please pass this post along to someone you know who is praying for an orphan... :)
Feel free to use anything that you find useful on this blog. We are all in this together, all trying to advocate for the orphan and raise awareness of the need to ADOPT. I am not trying to attach my name to anything, just trying to bring attention to the fatherless.
We are a family that has truly been blessed! Phil and I were married 9 years ago and we NOW have 3 amazing children! Robby is 15 and Caitlin is age 13, and Mamo age 5. God sent Robby and Caitlin into our lives shortly after we were married and each moment has been a joyous one! In December 2010, we adopted our youngest from Ethiopia, Africa. We are a family who has been created by adoption and have been blessed beyond measure! I have the most amazing husband in the world...Philip you are my ROCK and my BEST friend! :)
July 20 Met Daniel Mamo in Ethiopia on Mission Trip with Ordianry Hero
July 21 Phil says YES and schedules Homestudy AppointmentJuly 24-Robby and I Return Home from Ethiopia
Jul 29 FIRST Homestudy Visit
July 29 Sue with CCI agrees that we may pursue Mamo!
Sept 8 Dossier completed and submitted
Sept 9 I-600a completed and sumbitted
Sept 20 - Daniel receives care package from us and learns he we are coming to him to be his FOREVER family!!
Sept 28 Ethiopian Courts RE-OPEN!!
Sept 28 Payne/Mamo case submitted to the ET courts Oct 12 Received FIRST Court Date of Nov 10th! Travel booked! Woo hoo!
Oct 19th Fingerprinting Appointment for I600-A Nov 4 Begin Journey to Ethiopia Nov 10 Court Date in Ethiopia - WE PASSED!!!!
Nov 12 Come home! Praying to go back SOON to bring him home FOREVER!! Nov 22 Mamo's Birth Certificate issued!
Nov 29th Mamo's Medical Clearance and Passport Issued Dec 8 Receive email that we have been cleared for travel for Embassy appt Dec 16 Dec 13 Begin Journey back to Ethiopia Dec 16 US Embassy Appointment Dec 19 Return HOME as a family of 5 Forever!!!